The past few months have been incredibly confusing, hard, exhausting, exhilarating, beautiful and just plan RAD. I feel like in just the last few months alone I’ve learned so many things and had so many regrets. In an attempt to remember this for next time I’m writing it down in the good old blog so I can come back and revisit this for Baby #2 (and hopefully #3 and #4 =P).
Things I know now, that I didn’t know when C was born….(that may help you too)
- No visitors at the hospital. You look CRAY, you’re healing, you JUST birthed a bowling ball… You don’t need visitors coming to the hospital to see that side of you. Take a week to heal, regroup as a family, enjoy this special time, and THEN invite people to your home. But even then, only for 20 minute visits. Anything more is just plain hard. (see reason 2 and 3) Round 2, I’m gonna ask for no visitors/family the first week (maybe 2).
- Korean Postpartum Care. Koreans believe that a woman should take 21 days to rest, heal, bond with the baby, and be pampered. You aren’t able to touch cold things, eat cold things, shower, go outside, see people from the outside, NOTHING. For 21 days you rest, let your body heal, eat seaweed soup and bond with your baby. Giving birth is such a HUGE trauma for your body that you take 21 days (out of the rest of your life) to make sure you rest. I thought it was insane and didn’t listen. I ate the seaweed soup and didn’t shower for 4 days (out of the recommended 21 days). But I didn’t follow the other requirements. I felt FINE and wasn’t in too much pain or discomfort so I went back to my normal life and entertained visitors 2x a day. BUT…I should have listened to the old wives tales and rest.
- Stitches, Tears, and Burns. My healing journey down below took about 3x longer than it should have for other women and I had to go back to the OBGYN 2 times to get it “burned” to help it all heal faster. GROSS. I’ll spare you the details but apparently the nurse that stitched me up didn’t do the best job. As much as that whole thing was medical, I still believe that I should have rested and just soaked in 2 weeks with my delicious newborn before going back to normal life. In hindsight you have a LIFETIME to be normal, do chores, see friends, etc. You only have this tiiiiiiiny period of time where your body needs to rest and your family needs alone time to bond.
- Have a strong voice. I was so new to motherhood and having this little one to take care of, I wasn’t strong enough in letting my voice and opinions be heard. My mama bear/tiger mom feelings were being cultivated and I was struggling between being rude and protecting my baby. (I still struggle with that) But now that I’m 4 months in…Mama Bear/Tiger Mom wins out. Next time around I will be fierce about asking everyone to wash their hands, not hold my baby a certain way, not wake her up, not touch her face, not touch her baby things, be clear about sterile/dirty, etc etc etc. Newborns are SO tiny, fragile and just plain delicate. I need to be his/her advocate and make sure that everything is sterile, safe and gentle. RAWR. Next time around, I’ll be sure to be that cray mom. If I’m not going to fight for my little babe who will? (side note: I think this is only necessary for the first 2-3 months. after that YES babies should be exposed to more things and don’t need to be SO insulated in a sterile bubble. but that beginning stage they don’t have an immune system, they’re delicate and they just need to be protected. my personal opinion.)
- TAKE A LONG MATERNITY LEAVE!!! Long story short, I messed up and only took a 2.5 month maternity leave. If possible and if you can, I would recommend 5-6 months. 2.5 months was just WAY too early to go back. Your little one is fragile and just not ready to be put into daycare. If you can’t take 5-6 months off then I would recommend at least 3.5-months (after the 100-day mark). Charlotte got sick around 4 months and I wasn’t as freaked out as I thought I would be. She was older, she was better able to handle it and I was actually happy I got to be home with her (before she went into daycare) to cuddle her. It was a nice way to segway or foreshadow all the colds and flus she’ll be getting when she goes into DC. Mike and I have one cold under our belts, we know how to handle it and I was still in my transition/maternity leave/work phase where I could stay home for it.
- READ READ READ. I thought it would be better not to stress out too much and read about things along the way. But I felt and still feel way under prepared. So I would recommend reading up even if you don’t think you need it or you don’t really know what to look for. Just…be prepared.
- TALK ABOUT IT. I know that it’s super annoying to be the mom that can ONLY talk about baby things or think about baby things or obsess over those things. BUT it’s the only way to learn, to research and to get your new mama anxiety out. It’s weird or explain or describe, but the new “mama network” or “mama group” is incredible. There’s an instant bond when you talk to other women with children and go over stages, behaviors, etc together. Not only does it bring you closer together but it really helps normalize your feelings, your hormones, your anxieties…just EVERYTHING. There are so many details and tips that your friends will know that blogs won’t tell you about. So as annoying as you may be to friends without kids~~ be proud and talk about motherhood, raising a newborn, future stages, your hormones, your baby blues, and insecurities!
- Sweat a Little. Before I got pregnant and during my pregnancy I didn’t work out. I walked everyday (because i have a dog) but I didn’t sweat or take the time to do prenatal yoga. I wish I had. My stomach looks CRAZY and I now how cellulite that makes me wonder if I can wear shorts again… sigh. My biggest regret is not walking or pushing through some workouts to make sure I was healthy. Baby of course was always healthy, but I needed to make my body a priority too. I was SO SICK during the first 5 months and just so nasty the last half of pregnancy that being outside and sweating was the last thing I wanted to do. BIG MISTAKE. I should have looked at the bigger picture. My post baby body is not sexy, my rolls are like jelly and stomach has no muscle definition. Getting back into shape is going to be rough… =(
I’m still new to motherhood and all that it implies. But I hope that this little list helps you out and it’s something I can follow for baby #2!
The post Regrets, Lessons, and Future To-Dos appeared first on markel + me.