this shiz is REAL! the first month my body was running on adreneline and i wasn’t in that much pain from sleep deprivation. the month after that mike would do the last night shift a few nights a week so that i could sleep early and do the morning shift. those few extra hours were the equivalent to 3 cups of coffee. LOL that’s how starved my body was for sleep. during the day though, while C slept i got to zone out and scroll through my phone or watch TV. now that I’m back at work… dude… it’s no joke.
i’m stressed out max over trying to catch up from maternity leave, prepare for all of next academic year and THINK!! my thoughts are so jumbled sometimes that even my words blur together. when i’m talking to mike, his mom or my coworkers~~ i look cray trying to put sentences together. my appearance is also decaying and falling apart. thank God for tshirts and comfy stretchy jeggings.
i need 12-15 hours of uninterrupted sleep. why dont’ i just ask mike you ask? because i have to wake up every 3-4 hours to PUMP!! wahhhh. whhyyyyyy. C sleeps 8 hours a night now and in that time i have to wake up TWICE to pump. WTH. even the friggin baby gets to sleep more than me. sigh.
i want to stop pumping/breastfeeding now but then my pride kicks in and i talk myself into continuing. my goal was to pump/bf until december and then use the freezer storage until her first birthday in may. but when mike and i did the math…it didn’t make sense. #1 i don’t make enough to store that many bags #2 we would need 900 frozen breastmilk bags from january to may. this girl eats like a beast. um…so needless to say i cannot stop in december. *tear *
do other moms go through this dilemma too?? life sucks b/c i have to pump every 3 hours. yet… breastmilk is SOOOOO good for the baby AND it’s FREEEEE. sigh. for now i’m going to continue this crazy schedule and life. but it sucks. BIG TIME. gone are the days where i can wear a normal bra, sleep on my stomach, sleep 7-8 hours straight, walk around nekked (cuz i leak all the time), and not have sensitive boobs. tmi?
anyway…besides all my complaining my favorites parts of the day are…
1. watching C sleep, then checking to see if she’s breathing, almost waking her, holding my breath and freezing until she goes back to sleep, then repeating that 10 more times. lol
2. having C fall asleep on me (like dead sleep)
3. the mornings with C. she is the happiest and most talkative after 8 hours of sleep. i love it. now that i work in the office part of the week i don’t get to have those lovely sessions with her. =( *tear *
4. watching her develop! C can now reach out, babbles constantly, and can do a 1/2 roll!
sigh…now i have to go pump… laters ya’ll. happy monday!
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